Member-only story
If I Ever Run Mad
It will not be gradual
It will be a sudden switch from rational to lunatic. I will not be violent — I will be the morose, thinker type. The mad man with the glassy eyes that focus on nothing in particular in that space between the eye and where its lines are meant to converge. I will be the madman that speaks endlessly to himself, wrapped up in a bubble of melancholy and not willing to be disturbed — almost at peace in his insanity. It will be a pitiful sight for those who once knew me as the happy sanguine but when they offer tears to redeem my fallen state, I am more likely to smile back.
How do I know these things?
I dwell too long in my thoughts and I know how confusing it is in there. My thoughts are like particles in constant motion — Brownian is how scientists describe it — like dust that is disturbed under the gaze of pleasant rays that watch them dance in the spotlight. In my head is an asylum where random thoughts swirl freely and constantly, even while I’m asleep. My mind takes every random event and runs infinite scenarios of possibilities around it, playing it endlessly in a vicious loop. What if … is an ever present guest in this place of chaos.
I hear most people are that way and I am no different but I doubt this because I can hear every single thought in this randomness. I attempt to…
