My truth about Contentment
On Father’s Day, 2019 I told my 6 year old son a truth I had discovered. It is summarized in these words:
Don’t worry about anything. Be grateful for everything.
This truth I speak is more real to me that my son can ever understand. It is so real that I often find words too inadequate to convey the extent of it realness. But I’ll write about it anyway, hoping someone will see this truth too.
That truth is that it is possible to have everything you need when you find contentment in what you have.
The first time I stumbled upon this realization was years ago when my mum traveled overseas on vacation and called me to ask what I wanted her to buy for me. I tried to think about it. I had clothes and shoes, a piano, a roof over my head, joy in my heart, a family and money to get by. And that was all I needed. So I told her that I needed nothing.
“But no one has everything they need.” My mum responded.
I knew what she meant and I tried to search for it, for that thing that was missing but I came up blank. At that point in time in my life, I was fine. Over time, as I reflected more on it, I came into a gradual realization of a deeper sense of the meaning of contentment. You may think it is wealth. Perhaps I have a lot of money and that is what gives me the comfort to speak this vanity — it isn’t. Many of you have more than I do — in fact much more. And many of you have less — far less. Yet many of you, having more or less don’t feel this sense of contentment that I speak of. The reality is that over my life, I have had a lot and I have had nothing too — absolutely nothing. And in my evolution to this state of consciousness from which I currently write, I have come to the realization that ‘a lot’ and ‘nothing’ are always relative terms within the context that you define them. For those that have, there is always that thing they are looking to have that they still haven’t had yet. For those that don’t have, there are also those many things they are looking to have that they still haven’t had yet. So we all keep looking forward. But my truth is that I have been learning to look at now — not forward to the things I aspire to have; not backwards to the things I ought to have had. But to now, to the things I have right now. And most times, I am often so grateful for what I have that I don’t really focus on what I don’t have or have lost in the past.
I have often probed why I always feel this sense of contentment even when it appears that I ought to be more aspirational or concerned. In part, I feel it goes back to my personal definition of need. Its scope is so narrow that even people close to me often find it hard to understand why I live by such codes of asceticism. My needs are a place to lay my head — not necessarily a house of my own. Anything from a warm cave to paradise works. Currently this need is met in a rented apartment in Lagos, Nigeria on my youngest son’s 3 foot wide mattress on which three of us might end up cuddling all night. On most warm nights, it is a mat spread on the tiled floor of my bedroom. Some of my other needs are: silence (to be able to think clearly and be creative); clothes (to cover my nakedness — doesn’t have to have a tag or a fine brand); and a clear head devoid of the noise of want or the fearful thoughts of ever-shifting futures. I consider every other thing that I have that falls outside this narrow profile to be privileges for which I am always grateful.
I am grateful for eyes to see the beauty of this world; ears to hear invigorating stories of humanity; and the sense of humility to know my place in it. I am also grateful for the heart to feel joy, pain and sorrow and an intense gratitude for everything else that comes my way.
So, if all these things I have stated here are things that I already have, what else is there to worry for?
Where is the place of building my private home, having a lot of money or fancy cars, achieving my goal of being globally recognized and traipsing the cities and cultures of the world like a cartographer’s finger? Where do I fit in my desire of giving more to charity than every other person that had come before me or creating art that I’d want the world to see or businesses that will touch billions of lives? The truth is that I want these things. But to me, they will always be wants. Some of these things I have already had and I am grateful for it. Many others still elude me. Some I may never achieve. But I don’t allow this to affect my definition of need. Neither do I allow its weight to burden me. I count it a privilege if life grants me these wishes and for each one that passes, I smile at the thought of being blessed to achieve it.
I have little expectations and I take life as it comes. I’d walk if my car failed and I was out of money. I’d not go at all if it was too far to walk. I’d eat fruits from a wild tree if I was starving for food; and drink from a stream if I didn’t have any water to drink. Perhaps it is my personality or who I have evolved to become but whenever I change states in this manner, I convince myself not to feel diminished in joy and sorrow; or wealth of poverty because it happens to all of us. So, I am like a chameleon whose nature it is to change its colours to fit its environment without diminishing its stature. Whenever I am in need, I stop to think, look around me and find a solution. When I can’t, I accept my pain or simply just wait and do nothing.
This last week on a visit to Akure, I had an experience that explains this way of relating to life. On this particular day, I woke up early in search of silence so I could listen to my thoughts. So I left our family home and kept walking with no destination in mind, down the valley of a tunnel of a narrow road bordered by foliage and lone figures or men, women and beasts.
In the middle of this aimless journey into thought, I had a sudden urge to relieve myself. I looked around for water, there wasn’t any and the urge was unrelenting but I kept searching. I finally found an empty water bottle from a pile of rubbish by the wayside that would make for storage, when/if I eventually found water. Later on, in my wandering, I found a basin of dirty water by a raffia shed — it must have been put there the night before by someone who had washed plates in them. I knew that wasn’t the kind of water I was looking for — but this one was there at least till I found a better option. I recall just walking around while holding it in, until I found an old house with a discarded bucket of paint beneath its rusted roofs. This bucket had collected water from the rain of the night before. It had collected that water for me. I filled my bottle, beat a path into the bush, eased myself, cleaned up and continued my wandering. This true story explains how I relate with my world of need. When need arises, I look around and I try to find a solution and I would often ‘stumble’ on provisions which appears to have been put in my path deliberately to ease my need.
I am not lazy or slothful in my work and this has served me well but this truth I speak of is more than the yield of sweat or toiling hands. It is an abundance, first of the mind, that always translates into my reality. It is the sense of always having, never lacking, yet never storing up. It is the mindset that the world is like a box of assortment of things for me to choose from and create my own peace. It is what gives me contentment. It is what makes me not long for what I desire because most times, it will come to me. It is what makes me try to stay calm in abject lack and maintain the same composure in immense wealth. It is what often makes me give from the excess I have even though what I deem as excess at that point in time may be lack to some other person. It is what makes me not have that intense desire to hoard or store up for tomorrow because what I have at that point in time is sufficient for me and that is all that matters.
I see need and its provision like the biblical manna. How this food, which rained from heaven on the Israelites in the wilderness, was only fit for just one day. How, if you gathered up more than you needed, it would rot in your house and you would need to find a way of discarding it the morning after, when fresh manna would have fallen again. So I travel light in this world, knowing my manna will always come. Knowing my toil is reward in itself. Knowing that peace is a choice. Knowing that like a father, my God surrounds me with every consideration to meet my needs. And most importantly a heart of gratitude in little things and a continuous sense of contentment.
I hope you find this truth as I have
I wish it makes your life easy like it has done mine
I desire that you long for nothing.
I pray that you find peace.
Ifelanwa Osundolire
I have decided to leave this work in its sketchy state to appreciate (in a future time) how difficult it was to order its concepts in my mind and communicate its truth with words arranged in structure. But I hope that in its near-raw state, you will find something that jumps at you and opens up just a little bit of the thicket for you to find your own path too. Because these truths are not things that we are given. They are what we discover in quiet contemplation and in the deep reflections about our existence and its ever eluding meaning.
I pray you find your contentment like I have found mine.
Philippians 4:6–8 New Living Translation (NLT)
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Matthew 7:7–10 New Living Translation (NLT)
7 “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
9 “You parents — if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? 10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! 11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.
